The sadness tears at my insides tonight
There is an aching loneliness in the caverns you used to occupy
I keep trying to fill them with whiskey
But the burn just isn’t quite as strong
At least they feel less empty when I’m high-
When I’m laughing, smiling at the boy across the room.
My anxiety gets pushed to the side as the familiar buzz seeps through my veins.
I do not feel nervous as the bartender asks me what I’d like next.
“More, please” meaning my jack and coke, but also more numb. More empty.
As I swallow down thoughts of you I let my mind wander
Maybe I’ll start smoking cigarettes and kissing strangers on the street-
Maybe I’ll curl in a ball in the shower, again tonight,
Choking on my tears and gasping for air.
There you are again.
How painful it is to be so close to you,
And to feel nothing.
I found your love letters in the trash today
I wonder if the ghosts that have haunted this place for weeks snuck them in there.
Maybe, I am the haunted house, filled with the ghosts of your memory.
How I wish I could drown them out.